Everyone should be mentally prepared for the challenge of getting through Thanksgiving Day dinner with their relatives. This is a test of strength and durability. The cost, if you lose, is your sanity. Here’s a rundown of which family members you’ll have to break bread with on Thanksgiving.
1. The Nagging In-laws
What would the holidays be without your in-laws nagging you to death. They constantly remind you of how you didn’t put the right spices in the dressing, it’s too cold in your house, the decorations don’t feel homey enough, the list goes on and on. But of course you keep quiet for the sake of your spouse.
2. The Thug Cousin
He just got out of prison, in time for the holidays. Since he’s on house arrest, however, the family was forced to go to his mother’s house to celebrate. His jailhouse dining etiquette has transferred over to the dinner table. He wears a Coogi sweater with matching jeans hanging below his ass and all white Air Force 1s. His style is stuck in the early-2000s. Not to mention he smells like he just came off of Snoog
Dogg’s Lion’s tour bus.
3. The Teenage Cousin & His Girlfriend
You notice that your cousin has grown into quite the handsome young man. You also notice that he brings a new girlfriend over each holiday. They hold hands under the table for the majority of the feast. You may say to her, “My cousin has told me all about you Kelly.” The only problem is her name is Tracy. Kelly is his ex. Oops.
4. The Drunken Uncle
He’s at every family function smelling like a brewery. He is the source of many family arguments. Your aunt tries to clean up his reputation in the family so often that she could be Chris Brown’s publicist. He’s also the jokester at the table. Sometime you laugh with him. Sometime you laugh at him.
5. Impatient Father
The fast family members arrive, the faster he can eat. The faster he can devour his two plates, the faster he can get to the TV and watch football. Sure he’s thankful for family, but he would be even more thankful for the Redskins to win.
6. The Antisocial Teenager
The dinner table is constantly vibrating. It’s your 14-year-old cousin. The majority of her time at the table is spent texting and tweeting how she would rather be with her best friend whose family went to Orlando for Thanksgiving. Despite her attitude, she posts a picture collage of her plate and family on Instagram with the caption “Family Time <3.”
7. The Gossiping Aunt
“Girl did you see what Keisha had on? Hot mess!” “You know Reggie cheatin’ on Nia, right?” “Did you see Yolanda’s tracks were showing?”
The dialogue of the gossiping aunt. She can’t go a minute without talking about somebody. She gets on her relative’s nerves, but they are always eager to hear what juicy gossip she has in store. Her gabbing habits are just to cover-up how messy her life is. She is also mother of the Thug Cousin. Does she really have room to talk?
8. The Blunt Grandmother
#Nofilter. She says what’s on her mind and doesn’t care what you think. Don’t come to the house with barely any clothes on, she’ll tell you about yourself. She goes in especially hard on the drunken uncle and your cousin’s new girlfriend. Everyone loves and respects her though, so they just take her criticisms. Who’s going to really check granny anyway?
9. The Baby Mama
Most of the kids running around the house belong to her. A holiday season can’t pass without her being pregnant. The mysterious father(s) of the children rarely come around when the extended relatives are involved. She always leaves dinner a little early, asking you to watch Messiah, Princess and for 15 minutes. It’s a trap and you know it, but you agree reluctantly. She doesn’t return to pick them up until the next day.
10. The Irritable Mother
She’s been cooking all day. Her back hurts, her feet are swollen and those damn kids won’t stop running around the house. Everyone keeps calling her name and to top it off, she has to clean up the remnants of the feast while the men are watching football. She’s liable to snap at any moment. Proceed with caution.
Did we miss any relatives? Let us know!
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