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It’s Friday! So you know what that means! We don’t give a ….

So, here we have Chris Brown’s new video for “Don’t Judge Me.” In this Deep Impact meets Independence Day video treatment, Breezy sacrifices himself to save the Earth.

“If that means saving the people I love and I care about, then that’s what I’ll do,” he tells a reporter before climbing into a giant Bedroom Kandi rocket. For a dude that calls himself Mechanical Dummy, it never occurred to him to send an android to face the space Kraken?  Kanye Shrug.

It’s a pretty song, but being the contrarians we are, we decided to judge Chris Brown’s new video anyway.

1) With the military look and feel this whole video looks like he snuck onto the set of Battleship looking for Rihanna.

2) This digital code running down his arms makes us think Justin Timberlake wants his  In Time body paint back.

3)Nice plug of the Black Pyramid clothing line. This clearly gives the  illuminati theorists nothing to talk about.

4) Did you get the cockpit from “Scream” in a Neverland estate sale?

5) This face is just pure struggle. How did you get the tears to fall? Thinking about that Ciroc bottle Drake clocked you with in the club? Or the fact that he’s still scissoring with your ex?

6) This reporter is pretty. Almost too pretty. Like, what reporter you know wears door knocker earrings and a sequined blouse to a cover a story at a military base?

7) We have nothing bad to say about this. It’s a bootyful embrace. Simply bootyful.

Watch the video for yourself and resist judging “Don’t Judge Me” if you dare…

7 Judgements Of Chris Brown’s “Don’t Judge Me” Video  was originally published on