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A Scene From Baby Boy

The Baby Boy

The big kid, also known as the “baby boy” has no intention of ever growing up. The only woman for him is his mother, and when she’s not available, it’s his grandmother. In fact, oftentimes his grandmother is his “mother” since she’s the one who raised him, but that’s neither here nor there.

All his life, his mom cleaned up behind him, fed him, enabled him, possibly even lied for him and that’s not changing any time in the near future. Depending on the number of years between him and his mother, they may have grown up together — so to speak — which makes their bond more like siblings than anything else. That’s why his mom always looks like she wants to fight you, because you are taking her brother away.

The baby boy loves video games, spending endless hours with his friends, and is easily distracted by loud, shiny things. And strippers. He would rather eat a combo meal from the local burger joint than throw on a nice pair of pants and a decent shirt and sit in an actual restaurant. Why? Because he prefers french fries over french food. Arguments with a baby boy generally end with him telling you he’s a “grown ass man” before he storms out of the house, only to immediately return, ask you for your car keys, and storm out again. No matter how many times you attempt to belittle his crew of buddies, he’d much rather spend time under them than on top of you (see what I did there?).

If this is a challenge you choose to accept, best believe it’ll be the equivalent of adopting an adult.

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