So, spoiler alert, there is no exact answer.
Sex is such a couple to couple type of thing that you can’t really say how often anyone should be getting it on in the sack. To put it simply, it depends on the relationship!
Based on a longitudinal study over 40 years with 30,000 Americans (that’s a lot of sex), having sex once a week is considered “perfect.” Having sex more than once a week was not associated with a greater sense of well-being, which is counterintuitive to media culture that perpetuates the idea that if you’re not doing it every night, you ain’t doing it right.
Everybody is different.
According to Caracciolo, “The most important thing is to continue to explore where sex fits into the picture for you—which can differ over time within the same relationship and with each relationship that you have.”
In other words, do what works for you, and your partner of course.
Bierly advices couples to compromise in the sack, for example some can “agree to have vaginal sex once a week, oral sex once a week, engage in mutual masturbation” etc etc like a sexual menu. A la carte sex can help both partners feel satisfied.
And it that still doesn’t work–don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and go out and get it.
“If either the quantity of qualify of your sex life isn’t up to your standards or desires and that alone takes away from all the positives in the relationship then yes absolutely that is a good enough reason to end the relationship,” Bierly describes.
Sex is as important (or not as important) as you and your partner decide. It’s a mutual decision and an ongoing conversation.
Normal is whatever feels comfortable between two willing, open partners. And that’s pretty sexy.