Since age 12 I’ve been on this dating frenzy, searching for what my parents and (play) older siblings had. Much like the rest of my peers, I whisk myself into different situationships and sometimes even relationships, that ultimately do nothing but distract me or stress me out. I’m 23 now and all of that searching – Led me to still be single but the fight is not over. One of the biggest mistakes I have made thus far in the dating propaganda is not setting guidelines. I would date every and any one who was a human female, not drawing the line when it comes to their personality. It’s like typing “Girl” and pressing enter on a Google search bar and out of the millions of finds, I’m only compatible with a few. With that being said, I’ve set guidelines going forward.
One of my biggest guidelines is one that I would like to share with you and that’s the importance of finding someone who truly believes in you. You are made to change the world, and each of your dreams are important and conquerable. Only a fool would believe that he or she can erect their dreams by themselves. You can’t help but wonder where Barack Obama would be if he would have married his girlfriend before Michelle, or where Dr. Martin Luther King would be if he had not met Coretta at the New England Music Conservatory in Boston, there is no “I” in team. The successes that God has for our lives cannot be debunked by faulty relationships, and wasting time on people who don’t deserve it. It’s critical and paramount that you find someone who believes in you and your dream. The two of you can achieve great things together, but you have to believe in each other & here are five reasons why:
1) Distractions Ruin Dreams; Support Builds Dreams
I asked my father about his successful marriage with my beautiful mother and how they were able to accomplish what the have together, and he mentioned that she was never a distraction. They dated forever and have been married forever and after all of those years of sharing their lives with someone, they never saw each other as a distraction.
Distractions are that negative gravity that draws your focus somewhere it shouldn’t be. A distraction in a relationship in my case was someone who encouraged me to party and enticed me to waste time doing God knows what as opposed to encouraging me to work on my craft. You need and deserve that special someone who understands the value of time and energy and understands the importance of your dream. Flee from those who distract you with senseless arguments and other ways of diverting you away from your purpose in life, embrace those who believe in you and value your time just as much as you do.
On the contrary, nothing feels better than support. You deserve that person that makes you think ,” Wow, there really is someone who thinks I can actually achieve this?” That reassurance may be the wind in your sails that propels through whatever storms you face on your successful journey. The support of your significant other proves the term “Beside every great man is a great woman (Or vice versa respectively),” true. That significant other that is in your corner will literally make you feel invincible.
2) Knows Your Struggles; There Will Be Ups & Downs
There was a song by Trey Songz that came out when I was in the 9th grade and the lyrics went something like, “All I got is a dollar and a dream is you trying to roll with me?” Nothing is more true. It’s foolish to me to hear someone want to marry into wealth , or be picked up by a wealthy person so they can just tag along. It’s equivalent to that person showing up to play a basketball game, in the middle of the third quarter. You’re late. Or better yet, picture a row team a couple feet from the finish line and taking first place, and then that person just shows up for the last few paces of the race. You’re late.
It’s something to be said about the person who truly is interested in you. Not what you have or haven’t accomplished, or where you come from.They simply invest in YOU because they care about you and even more important, they believe in you. They understand that nobody starts off 100% good, there will be rough patches. Your significant other is supposed to understand that when you make your first deposit on your big business you wanted to start, you’re going to be broke because you invested in your dream… and they are supposed to believe in you enough to know that trouble won’t last forever. They shouldn’t leave.
Essentially, your significant other is simply supposed to understand that there will be good times and there will be bad. When you find this person, hold on to them with every muscle you have in your body because when the going gets tough, you will need someone to call on and someone who already knows your problems before you even speak them, because they understand that there will be struggles along this road to success. Avoid the stress and be with someone who understands.
3)Doubters Get Spited In the Acceptance Speech
“There were so many people who doubted me, said I couldn’t do it…” I hear that all the time when I interview stars. Although, they try and hide their true feelings of resentment and spite, I can hear it and feel it in their tones when they make that statement. How deflating would it be if one of the millions of people who doubted you in life , was the “love of your life”? That means the person that you lay next to every night for the rest of your life is the same person who told you that you were not strong enough nor capable enough to achieve your dreams? Encouraging you to quit, reminding you of how steep the mountain will be, and trying to guilt you into becoming what they want you to be, imagine how cancerous they will be to the plan God has for your life? You deserve better.
You deserve someone who lifts you up when you feel like giving up and someone to remind you that you have the strength of seven lions and that anything you want to do, you can achieve. Don’t date someone who doesn’t think you can make it, I promise it’s going to be the worst when you say “I’d like to thank my spouse and the rest of those who doubted me,” at the award shows. Can you imagine that ride home?
4)Construction Partner vs. Wrecking Ball
My twisted, dark and secretive fantasy is eve’s dropping on President Barack Obama and Michelle Obama’s pillow talk. I’m pretty sure I’d boil over with jealousy and move to Canada. Can you imagine it? I imagine the two of them laying together discussing their ideas for a better country and bouncing ideas off of each other. Working as construction partners as opposed to one being the constructor as the other is the wrecking ball, tearing down everything you built. I can’t imagine the frustration of dealing with someone who listens to your dreams and doesn’t help you build them up or listens to your dreams only to tear them down. They can tear them down with their harsh words but the heaviest of wrecking balls is neglect.
You deserve someone who is just as excited and anticipatory of what you are building. Even more elating is their excitement as to how they can lend a hand. Together, you two will build kingdoms. Just beware that neither of you are a wrecking ball.
5) Deeper Intimacy
Your dreams are sacred. You hold your aspirations close to your heart , locked in a place where only the mastermind of locksmiths can get to or… Only you can let someone in. I think that the conversation about “What’s your dreams in life?” is the game changer in relationships or getting to know someone. I’ve only had that conversation with one person and we’re still building together. The reason that’s so is because you keep your dreams to yourself and you hold them with great importance, so when you share this with someone you are letting them into a sacred place.
When you do that, you open the door for a type of intimacy that many of us are envious of. An intimacy that is based upon understanding and trust as opposed to the physical or lust. When you find someone who truly believes in you and what you are aspiring to do with your life, it does nothing but improve the connection between you two and cater to an unbreakable bond. Your significant other then becomes your A/C in the summer, and your fire in the winter; that place you can run to and know that everything is going to be ok because they got your back. You can cry in front of this person because they know you’re struggles, you’re that intimate. Strong intimacy opens up so many doors of happiness for you and your dream, imagine the dark days you would have with someone who can’t achieve this intimacy with?
Not only do you have to deal with the bumps and bruises along the way but now, because you went after someone who didn’t believe in you, you have to struggle alone. You deserve someone who you can let into the depths of your soul where your dreams live, and trust them to be you Rock of Gibraltar.
You are going to achieve so much in life, I promise. You don’t deserve someone who doesn’t believe in you as much, if not more, than you do. You deserve someone who will be right by your side every step of the way, through your successes and failures, wealth and poverty, sunshine and rain, or the still waters and the violent waves, someone who with unequivocal belief, you can count on to help guide you along your path of success. If you have this already, don’t let it go! If you have yet to find this, don’t settle and don’t give up. The worst thing you can do is devote your time to a distraction and watch your dreams fade away like the henna tattoos you got in the 5th grade. Here today and gone tomorrow. You deserve better, go and get better! Find someone who believes in you.
Hit me up if I missed something or if you want to chat with me! @BrianJamesLive (Twitter) @IAmBrianJames (Instagram)
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